Something’s Missing

Ever get that feeling where you just need inspiration? I see others that have a finely honed craft and I think… What do I have?

I play piano and guitar but I will never be at the level where I want to be with it.

I love technology, but there are billions more in front of the line before me who are smarter, more savvy, and just about everything else I am not.

I am a parent and husband, and I will always place them first before me. That is a given. It’s what you do, so that wouldn’t necessarily count.

I have the utmost respect for people… but yeah, again. A given.

I have no craft. No marketable skill. I’m 40. 40 and I feel lost sometimes. I’m stuck at the stage of my life where I find myself saying… “Just got to do the best with what I have to work with.” I want more to work with, because I have a lot to live for. No, not midlife crisis. No I’m not depressed. Just a realization. Yes, I could go back to school but my brain and I have always been at odds with each other. Never a good student, surprise right. I am just feeling that I haven’t excelled in anything. I want to matter. I want to do more. To feel needed more. That my knowledge or talent could be used for something bigger than myself. Is that wrong? I don’t really know.

I do enjoy writing. Stories, blogging, poetry, directions… lol whatever! It puts me at a stage of peace. I have so many blogs now its borderline insanity. 5 total. One on Tumblr that I haven’t done anything with. A pain journal, this one, and 2 writing blogs. I dig it. Writing is cool. On an empty page it could house anything you could ever want. ANYTHING. A saucy twist, a whimsical anecdote, a life of espionage, a childhood dream turned reality. ANYTHING. But am I good enough at it to matter?

Self doubt is the type of sting where there is no pain reliever for except positive thought, and you can’t purchase that at any store.