The whole idea of existence is predicated on the assumption that we exist.
We exist because we exist. What about hopefulness? That would merely be an automatic response to whatever stimuli that is existent within the person’s life at the exact time the need rendered itself.
Would then it safely be accurate to determine a person’s hopefulness based on findings from a persons use-fullness in existance? I would say, no. there would not be a usefull-ness in existence because you aren’t offering anyone anything except adding to a joint collective.
Ever get that feeling where you just need inspiration? I see others that have a finely honed craft and I think… What do I have?
I play piano and guitar but I will never be at the level where I want to be with it.
I love technology, but there are billions more in front of the line before me who are smarter, more savvy, and just about everything else I am not.
I am a parent and husband, and I will always place them first before me. That is a given. It’s what you do, so that wouldn’t necessarily count.
I have the utmost respect for people… but yeah, again. A given.
I have no craft. No marketable skill. I’m 40. 40 and I feel lost sometimes. I’m stuck at the stage of my life where I find myself saying… “Just got to do the best with what I have to work with.” I want more to work with, because I have a lot to live for. No, not midlife crisis. No I’m not depressed. Just a realization. Yes, I could go back to school but my brain and I have always been at odds with each other. Never a good student, surprise right. I am just feeling that I haven’t excelled in anything. I want to matter. I want to do more. To feel needed more. That my knowledge or talent could be used for something bigger than myself. Is that wrong? I don’t really know.
I do enjoy writing. Stories, blogging, poetry, directions… lol whatever! It puts me at a stage of peace. I have so many blogs now its borderline insanity. 5 total. One on Tumblr that I haven’t done anything with. A pain journal, this one, and 2 writing blogs. I dig it. Writing is cool. On an empty page it could house anything you could ever want. ANYTHING. A saucy twist, a whimsical anecdote, a life of espionage, a childhood dream turned reality. ANYTHING. But am I good enough at it to matter?
Self doubt is the type of sting where there is no pain reliever for except positive thought, and you can’t purchase that at any store.
Now that I’m an adult, I get to look back at my childhood. Many think that youth is something that escapes us. That can never be. It it escapes, that means we held it prisoner. Youth will for all purposes be the frame of mind that society somewhat robs us of. But it is always something that is bountiful. You can never run out of youth. You can only run out of time.
Time escapes us. Time calls on its many minions to draw focus away from youth. That feeling where as a child you would run for no good reason. The feeling that your legs were going to fly off. Holding kite string and arguing with the wind. Hearing two coins hitting each other as though you were the richest child in amidst a sea of peasants. Seeing that new bicycle in front of the tree on Christmas morning. Oh the places you would see! This is true emotion. Not having to live to a level deemed by the general census as worthy.
Where is our youth? Our innocence unfiltered. Behind these eyes we see a different world. Wrapped in warning labels and cautionary tales. We find ourselves using phrases such as, “You can’t do that, this is the world we live in now,” but never saying why or how we can make it that way.
We just accept it as our reality without question.
It was a super cold winters morning. William woke up stretching, yawning, and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He could see thru a small slit in the curtains at the frost that had covered both of his windows. Then William’s feet got really cold and wet all of the sudden! He lifted the covers just enough to see a smoky grey blur travel up from his feet to his face. “Good morning Mimi!” William whispered. Mimi was Williams’s best friend, and pet puppy. Mimi told William good morning in her own way by licking his face like he was a lollipop! “Don’t worry girl.” He said. “I will keep you nice and warm.” Just then, William sat up from his bed and started taking a corner of his maroon blanket to wrap Mimi up like a little Italian greyhound burrito!
Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door. Then the sound of his mom’s muffled voice. “William, time to get dressed. We all have to leave early because of the weather. I am going out to start the car. See you in a few minutes.” William jumped out of bed and started to get dressed. He sure didn’t want to be late for school! “I will see you after school Mimi. Stay warm!” William exclaimed. Mimi heard the bedroom door open and a few minutes later, heard the front door open and then shut. They were gone again. Mimi made her wet nose out of the blanket that her master had put out for her. “What am I doing laying about? I have so many things to do today! At 10:00 I have that tail wagging thing to do, then at 11:00 its off for trashcan duty, then the rest of the day is spent sniffing various things around the house.” Mimi jumped down from William’s bed and proceeded to the living room.
Sabrina, the family cat lay on the lounge chair fast asleep. Mimi thought to herself how wonderfully delightful it would be to sneak up to Sabrina and bark in her ear! I bet she would jump a full 10 feet into the air!
More To Come –
If I know anything, it’s that people are great & horrible at the same time. They build you up & tear you down. They feel pleasure and they feel pain. They love and they hate. They laugh and they cry.
Words can both create action to induce solidarity, or produce silence for a pause in reflection. Nations can rise up, or stand down in the matter of one… small.. word. Voices are meant to be heard, and to be felt quiet.
In this time of evolving advancements the sum of all human knowledge can be transferred in the blink of one eye, and removed twice as fast.
I believe we all seek validation on practically every daily existence on this earth. Whatever you want to put out in the open whether it be socially, professionally, spiritually, creatively, or emotionally. The, “I get you,” face or possibly the “I truly understand” head bob just sometimes isn’t enough. I will be honest that I lack motivation sometimes. I rely on others like many do to help pull me out of this mindset. Negative self talk is at an all time high on this planet. But why? It surly couldn’t be the lack of speakers and doers who help to make a lasting footprint on the world. So why do some feel this way?
What do YOU think? Please post your thoughts in the comments.
These faceless self freaks.
They show true when their fields become
crowded. The sword of vengeance, told not
to wield in the name of Godly justice,
raised to the light of false judgment.
So surreal is this disconnection. Bite-
sized anger management, never enough to
fulfill. Something cut us. We just choose
to bleed apart.
Our fathers share identity. Our
common “hello” foundation.
No late nights of playing games. The last
roll of perception…